Homophobia is a central organizing principle of our cultural definition of manhood.
Homophobia is more than the irrational fear of gay men, more than the fear that we might be perceived as gay. […] Our fear is the fear of humiliation. We are ashamed to be afraid.
Shame leads to silence—the silences that keep other people believing that we actually approve of the things that are done to women, to minorities, to gays and lesbians in our culture. […] That clammy-handed silence when guys in the office make gay-bashing jokes.
Our fears are the sources of our silencs, and men’s silence is what keeps the system running.
We also have a PIV (penis-in-vagina) centric society when it comes to any discussions of sex. That is, that women need penises to have orgasms, and that most women who have PIV sex experience orgasms, which is simply untrue.
Being a Queer Latino who is very sex positive, it is very difficult to not feel the biting sting of someone who expresses their sexual desire for me based on my ethnicity or solely on the way I look.
I’ve been amongst a group of friends that I have no shame in having slept with, but, having recently discovered that I was described by them as an object (a joint: one that is passed around) more than a human being because of the privileges that are bestowed on them by the institutions they come from or field of study they concentrated in, it makes me question my place among them when their attempt to distance themselves away from me by placing an oppressive nomenclature on me makes them feel as if they were the dominators as opposed to being on the same level as the person they are with.
I thought I was in a community that was accepting of these practices, but they’ve already set me apart for having messed around with many people of the group. This event has began to bother me after seeing this post and realizing that beyond this situation, there has always been this issue that I wish I could swear I were being taken seriously in the company of the people I have slept with, but there’s this feeling of being objectified and never really being completely present. It’s easy to move on from one person to another, but if in the process I’m offended by something said about the way I looked, acted, or spoken that was uncalled for, I only grow a need to withdraw completely from having a sex life in general so I don’t deal with being dehumanized.
Often times I do question my sexuality in the realm of whether I should try to refrain from having sex unless I’m actually dating someone or if I should continue being okay with what I’m doing now. It’s disempowering when people I respect call me out on what I’m doing in a negative manner when they themselves are practicing what I have been doing. It’s even more disempowering when people you hardly know instantly treat you like a toy to play with as opposed to a human being. What triggers this feeling further is when your own culture or identity is a reason for why someone is okay with treating me with any lack of respect.
I’m often mistaken for having Middle Eastern origins, which makes it tempting for men to feel like they have the experience of being with someone who was Middle Eastern. When I explain what I actually am, often times I’m met with a disgruntled reaction as their fantasy is shattered and they’ve had sex with another Latino. If I show any support for any Latin American country or any other country outside of the US or Europe, I’m shown scorn or criticism as the West is the only legitimate source of any kind of progressive or idealized thoughts or actions.
It often feels like I’m in a constant battle to feel comfortable within my skin.
I keep seeing more and more continuation of the women of color and sexuality discussion on my dashboard.
Keep it coming. This was probably one of the most important things I’ve seen all week
So I’m starting this project and its focusing on how men and women (of color) can work in partnership to take on issues of gender unique to certain communities. I want to examine how race, gender and class all intersect to affect certain communities.
I plan on doing my own research - but does anyone out there know of readings, quotes, speakers out there that talk about:
If anyone could send over anything they can think of to help me develop an argument/philosophy, please send it over. Stuff along the lines of bell hooks, Patricia Hill Collins, The Cambahee River Collective. Nah mean?