This issue recently came to my attention (its not a new one, but it has happened to resurface) and it completely bothered me that the (cis) male sexual partner involved was so ignorant.
Most women do not reach orgasm solely through penetration. This article on Women’s Health Mag claims that only 25% of women having penis/vagina intercourse are having orgasms (according to most major surveys, this 25% is most likely an average). The rest of us, however, cannot achieve the “big O” solely through penetration - we need extra stimulation.
So when someone pops off and tells you that it is “abnormal” that you didn’t orgasm when all they did was fuck you (via penetration only), please remember that it is a statistical improbability that they have been so lucky that all their previous (cis) female sexual partners were able to attain orgasm through penetration alone.
This is why people shouldn’t see porn as their guide to sex.
taking a class on feminist theories of sexuality this semester… EXCITED
The mainstream media is ripe with oversexualized images of women of color, and policy often stigmatized and shames this same group of people. Women of color and poor women are blamed for their inability to keep their legs closed and for having too many children. For marginalized groups of women, sex is not linked to pleasure and freedom; it is demonized and used as an example of all the ways in which these women lack self-control. As a result, a lot of conversation around sexual freedom discount the experience of people of color, failing to take into account how much sexual freedom is assumed to hinge on a woman’s privilege—be it because of her race, economic status, or social standing.
Of course, not all women of color are sexualized in the same way. For example, while black women are considered lascivious, always consenting and out of control, Latina[s] are considered exotic or overly sensual and Asian women are considered childish and prude. These particular stereotypes are reinforced through popular culture and pornography (just Google respectively “Asian women,” “black women,” or “Latina women” and then “women” and see what comes up). The common thread here is that nonwhite women’s sexuality is seen as outside the norm of white heterosexuality. It’s therefore something to uniquely desired, manipulated, exploited or controlled. Within this rather toxic climate, being a woman of color who’s in touch with her sexuality is an act of resistance. Pushing past the negative media depictions and still finding a healthy, healing, erotic, and functional sexuality is no small feat.
I have often felt trapped between discourses of sexuality. If I’m overtly sexual, I’m a threat to what it means to be a good, pious South Asian lady and to the white norms of sexuality. As a result, when I am sexual, I am confronting my ethnic community and the norms of white sexuality. Finding a more authentic sexuality that’s just me means pushing past what is considered the appropriate way for me to be sexual based on my race, ethnicity, and gender. This has meant a lot of experimentation, sometimes playing up how “bad” I am or being tremendously secretive about my sexual transgressions (well, clearly not after this book). And it meant sifting through partners and figuring out which ones are a little too obsessed with my being Indian.”
Found via: Racialicious