new wave feminism

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A quasi-academic look at Feminism, politics & race relations through the lens of a 20-something year old Nigerian American who was born & raised up in the (still) segregated south but has relocated to the "liberal" yet historic & traditional north.
This blog is my space for an interdisciplinary examination of race, gender, class, sexuality - all things intersectional & multi-dimensional.
Feminism the way I see it...

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Posts tagged "abuse"
Asker Anonymous Asks:
Yeah, but, didn't Charlie Sheen SHOOT a [non-famous] white woman and no one cared? R. Kelly raped a [non-famous] black girl and no one cared. Chris Brown hit a [famous] black girl and everyone cared. Society doesn't care about certain things on varying levels and it doesnt all make sense. White guys get excused,even when they attack white women, while when black men attack black girls or women the chance of society caring is so varied/ random, I can't figure out that pattern, is it fame related?
newwavefeminism newwavefeminism Said:

It all depends on how you analyze the three incidences. Charlie Sheen is protected by a lot of privilege. He did a lot of things and it took an immense amount of bad behavior before he was even taken off TV - but was then roasted on Comedy Central as a legend.

R. Kelly abused a girl, but most people didn’t register that his victim was worth outrage.

Chris Brown not only abused someone famous, but it is also very easy for our culture to become obsessed with the angry/scary black man narrative - because, like you said, many white celebrities beat/shoot their wives and there wasn’t the same type of outrage/concern trolling. There were lots of POC, who were rightfully holding Chris Brown accoutnable to his actions but wondered why society only focuses on angry black men but throws the “boys will be boys” narrative on white dudes.

There are lots of intersecting dynamics going on. Who are valuable victims? Who are typical perpetrators. Who has the privilege of protection? Each incident you listed has its own conversation surrounding it that can’t be addressed in this one post.


marchoftigers said:Also people have been MORE than happy to paint Rih as a ‘bad victim’ make jokes about her body, and reduce her to a metaphysical concept rather than a human being. She got a shit end of the stick in an abusive situation of a relationship. Dont forget

This quote has been in my head for a long time (I think it’s from a movie or something), and I’m sure it wasn’t meant in this context, but it reminds me of internalized abuse.

Especially now with mega church pastor Creflo Dollar in the news for chocking and beating his daughter - an many of his parishanors speaking out against her calling the police on him… Its really telling to how women, especially black women, are just expected to remain in a certain place or risk physical and emotional abuse. Even with the quote I posted earlier with Beyonce’s praised motherhood vs Erykah Badu’s vilified motherhood - black women get degraded to unspeakable levels for stepping out of such narrowly drawn lines.

Imagine growing up in that life. With controlling fathers and mothers who co-sign that ideology. It’s hard to develop a legitimate belief that you DON’T deserve to be treated that way, or accept that treatment from lovers, friends, society. It’s hard to say “how dare you treat me that way” when that how you’ve always been treated. and its hard to feel safe when you’re used to those you care about hurting you. What does love even mean when abuse is almost always a part of the package anyway? These are things that need to be unlearned - but our society only reinforces these ideas everywhere you turn anyway.

It takes a village to raise a child but if that entire village promotes toxic relationships, abuse and the emotional manipulation of you girls… She’s better off on her own.

I see what you mean - definitely did not know that aspect was a part of the book. it actually makes SO MUCH MORE sense now to why this book is so popular in mainstream America. Let me explain why I feel this way:

- I think its funny (read: pretty predictably fucked up) that any sexual “deviancy” (in this situation bondage, but its applied to sex workers, non cis & non-heterosexual people) is explained away with “oh, they must have been broken & abused.” As if “oh, you’re not normal and crave deviant acts because someone abused you and now you’re too fucked up and broken to engage in society properly.” or “only a sick, abused shell of a woman would enjoy doing that to herself” and people even use knowledge of abuse to manipulate and take advantage of people because “that’s all you’re good for now” as if sexual deviancy robs you of some purity that also means you no longer know what respect and agency means. Porn stars and sex workers are just dirty abuse victims who’s purity is tarnished.

- Also, think about many movies about WOC women DON’T revolve around some narrative of abuse and pain? So people like Drake can rap sick lines like “yeah, you can call ME Daddy, i’ll give you someone to look up to” because that is so sexy, because all WOC are abused by the men in their lives and their desperately seeking a new man to replace him and give themselves to sexually. Yes, thanks. We’re all just broken and abused bodies just waiting for someone to use us for sex while so we can feel good about ourselves. awesome. My body is already ruined so why should I care about consent now? We were born unpure so…

- Why am I not surprised that this book is flooding America now that I know makes abusive backgrounds a fetish? As if the sweet innocent American housewives that are finding sexual outlet through this book can only do so through living vicariously through some sexual deviant abuse victim. As if abuse itself is some sexy kink that they day dream about to escape their dull lives as boring housewives?

my thoughts on this aren’t fully developed but it just always gets under my skin how often the “the were abused” shit gets thrown whenever “sexual deviancy” is being discussed. This is why victims are too ashamed to come forward - no matter if we admit it or not we act like victims of abuse must have either been asking for it, or probably liked it and want some more. 
It just makes me really uncomfortable how we try to assess meanings based off of someone’s history of abuse. and of course this is all coded heavily off of race, class, sexual orientation…
its disgusting


Amazing how they often get away with citing the freedom of speech - no, that doesn’t give you the right to be a douchebag and get away with it.

PS: Quote credits: Bob Chipman aka MovieBob

more updates on the school where the teacher was recently busted for [TW-sexual abuse] blindfolding his elementary students and feeding them his semen:

The investigation began over a year ago when over 40 photographs depicting children in a school classroom, with their eyes blindfolded and mouths covered with tape, were turned in to law enforcement by a film processor. Parents are furious because they only learned about the investigation last week.

Miramonte Elementary School is located in an unincorporated area of South Los Angeles within the Florence-Firestone area which according to the school is a “predominantly Hispanic” community. It’s unclear how many students at the school have undocumented parents but 56% of the students are English language learners, about 1% are considered “migrant” students and the school has a “Migrant Education Program” and an “Emergency Immigrant Education Program,” leading many to believe, including the Sheriff, that there may be many parents who fear coming forward because they are undocumented.

“Unlike the Los Angeles Police Department, which has a policy on the books intended to protect undocumented victims and witnesses, the department has two different immigration enforcement partnerships with the federal government,” explains Leslie Berestein Rojas at KPCC’s “Multi-American.”

Because Miramonte is an unincorporated the jurisdiction falls on Los Angeles County Sheriff which has a Secure Communities and 287(g) contract with the federal government. 

“Critics of immigration enforcement programs like Secure Communities often say that when the lines between local law enforcement and immigration enforcement are blurred, community members stop being able to trust the police and fear coming forward to serve as witnesses or to report crime,” said’s immigration reporter Julianne Hing. “The risk of deportation is just too high. What we’re seeing now is illustrative of exactly that critique.”

Its unfortunate that the politics of deportation and immigration have any effect on bringing these disgusting teachers to justice. More importantly, it really brings to light to social conditions created when you know you live in an area where a lot of the population is rendered vulnerable because of this fear of deportation. There is no doubt in my mind that the awareness of this vulnerability & fear is what allowed for condition for these abuses to happen in the first place… smh…

“Our house was small, and when you grow up with domestic violence in a confined space you learn to gauge, very precisely, the temperature of situations. I knew exactly when the shouting was done and a hand was about to be raised – I also knew exactly when to insert a small body between the fist and her face, a skill no child should ever have to learn. Curiously, I never felt fear for myself and he never struck me, an odd moral imposition that would not allow him to strike a child. The situation was barely tolerable: I witnessed terrible things, which I knew were wrong, but there was nowhere to go for help. Worse, there were those who condoned the abuse. I heard police or ambulancemen, standing in our house, say, “She must have provoked him,” or, “Mrs Stewart, it takes two to make a fight.” They had no idea. The truth is my mother did nothing to deserve the violence she endured. She did not provoke my father, and even if she had, violence is an unacceptable way of dealing with conflict. Violence is a choice a man makes and he alone is responsible for it.”

Patrick Stewart: the legacy of domestic violence

(via thenewwomensmovement)


I acknowledge that you went through bad things.  I really do.  I am very sorry you went through that.  You didn’t deserve it in any way.

But you DID NOT go through those bad things because you’re male/white/able-bodied/middle-class/cis/straight/etc. 

But people have gone through horrible shit, and horrible shit was made worse because they were female/PoC/a person with disabilities/poor/trans*/same-sex loving/etc.

That’s all people are saying when they rant about oppression, privilege, and social justice issues. This, in no way, negates what you went through.  If you think so, then your thinking is severely warped.

However, you ARE negating what marginalized people go through when you rant on and on about all the terrible shit you went through and talk down to marginalized people for focusing on their problems or for needing to have trigger warnings on certain things.  And it’s a pretty emotionally manipulative move, to be blunt.

Not to say you can never talk about what happened to you (actually, you should, and you have spaces to do so), but if you use it to shut marginalized people down, then there is something seriously wrong with YOU, and YOU need to “go to therapy if you can afford it.”  Because all you’re doing is being a straight-up bully.  Not to mention oppressive.

hold on, gotta post this on my fridge

(via karnythia)


La Times:

[The chaplain]  saw a group of deputies kicking an inmate face down on the ground with his hands behind his back. One deputy, the chaplain said, held the inmate’s feet and legs, another had a knee on the inmate’s neck, while the other deputies kicked his torso, the chaplain alleged.

“Chaplain, go inside!” he said one deputy yelled.

“I didn’t go inside because I had heard too many inmates tell me about beatings that the deputies had inflicted on them and I wanted to observe what was happening with my own eyes,”



After witnessing the attack, the chaplain immediately filed a report which was investigated by county officials. Because of the investigation,  Juarez said officers taunted him and called him a “rat.” After hearing nothing about the incident after two years, Juarez took his concern to Sheriff Lee Baca, the top cop in L.A. County. Sheriff Baca said he’d never heard of the attack, but that he’d look into it. Baca reviewed the file which claimed the inmate was schizophrenic and that officers used punches (which are acceptable) to get him back into the cell. Sheriff’s report also stated that the inmate’s injuries were a result of being run over by a car prior to incarceration, not an attack by officers.

There is now an FBI investigation being held in LA

Women have been in a play, but they have neither written nor directed it. In fact, attempts by women to seek those positions of control have often resulted in them being “thrown of the stage” (e.g., murdered or harmed…) by those who had some sort of control of the script.

Michele A. Paludi Victims of Sexual Assault & Abuse

a metaphor of the historical subordination of women and systemic violence & abuse


“ You can’ be what you can’t see.” - Marian Wright Edelman



  1.  The United States is 90th in the world in terms of women in national legislatures.

  2.  Women hold 17% of the seats in the House of Representatives (the equivalent body in Rwanda is 56.3% female).

  3.  Women are merely 3% of Fortune 500 CEOs.

  4.  Women hold only 3% of clout positions in the mainstream media (telecommunications, entertainment, publishing and advertising).

  5.  Women comprise 7% of directors and 13% of film writers in the top 250 grossing films.


  1.  Rates of depression among women and young girls have doubled in the past ten years.

  2.  Rates of depression are the same among boys and girls until puberty, but twice as many women are diagnosed as depressed post-puberty.


  1.  65% of American women and girls have an eating disorder.

  2.  Studies estimate that 13% to 25% of youth have some history of self-injury, such as cutting, and most studies show that cutting is more common with girls.

  3.  While girls are twice as likely to think about suicide, boys are four times more likely to actually die from it.


  1.  About 25% of girls will experience teen dating violence.

  2.  25% of women are abused by a partner during their lifetime in the U.S.

  3.  1 in 6 women are survivors of rape or attempted rape. 

  4.  15% of rape survivors are under the age of 12. 

Teen Pregnancy

  1.  The U.S. has the highest rates of teen pregnancy in the industrialized world—twice as high as the UK, 4 times as high as Germany, and 8 times as high as Japan.

Cosmetic Surgery

  1.  The number of cosmetic surgical procedures performed on youth 18 or younger more than tripled from 1997 and 2007. 

  2.  Among youth 18 and younger, liposuctions nearly quadrupled between 1997 and 2007 and breast augmentations increased nearly six-fold in the same 10-year period. 

Discussion Questions

Encourage dialogue among your friends and co-workers about the issues presented in Miss Representationand get them thinking about solutions! You can also add your thoughts to our Facebook Discussions.

  1. 1. How much media do you consume in a day?

  2. 2. What does the media tell you about what it means to be a girl or woman?

  3. 3. What does the media tell you about what it means to be a boy or man?

  4. 4. How do the representations of women you see in the media differ from real women you know?

  5. 5. What does power “look like” in the media you see?

  6. 6.How many advertisements do you see in a day?

  7. 7.What are they trying to sell you?

  8. 8.What is feminism to you?

  9. 9.Where do you think stereotypes about feminism come from?

  10. 10.How do stereotypes about feminism discredit women’s advancement?

  11. 11.How are you a leader?

  12. 12.How are female leaders treated differently from male leaders?

  13. 13.How do you support girls & women around you to be leaders?

  14. 14.What can we do to decrease sexism & violence towards women?

  15. 15.What can you personally do to change the way media portrays women?


Coming soon.

Suggested Reading

Can’t Buy My Love: How Advertising Changes The Way We Think And Feel

By Jean Kilbourne

Closing the Leadership Gap: Add Women, Change Everything

By Marie C. Wilson

Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture

By Ariel Levy

Globalizing Feminisms, 1789-1945

Edited By Karen Offen

Half the Sky: Turning Oppression Into Opportunity for Women Worldwide

By Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn

In a Different Voice

By Carol Gilligan

The Lolita Effect: The Media Sexualization of Young Girls and What We Can Do About It

By M. Gigi Durham, Ph.D.

The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women And How All Men Can Help

By Jackson Katz

Notes from the Cracked Ceiling: Hillary Clinton, Sarah Palin, and What It Will Take for A Woman to Win

By Anne E. Kornblut

Sexism in America: Alive, Well, and Ruining Our Future

By Barbara J. Berg, Ph.D.

The Shriver Report: A Woman’s Nation Changes Everything

By Maria Shriver and the Center for American Progress

Women World Leaders

By Laura A. Liswood

How could i not reblog this? Always good to have references and facts people!

(via jjkz-deactivated20110203)


“During the last decade, Guatemala has experienced an epidemic of woman-killing. The bodies are everywhere: turning up in ditches on the side of the road, on the curbs of city streets, and in wooded ravines, often with signs of mutilation and rape. Over 5,000 women have been murdered in the tiny country during the past decade, giving it one of the highest female mortality rates in the world, according to the Central American Council of Human Rights Ombudsmen (CCPDH), and it has been labeled the most dangerous place to be a woman in all of Latin America.

What’s more, a jaw-dropping 98 percent of these killings receive no legal action whatsoever. The phenomenon is uniquely toxic, and surprisingly, the Guatemalan government has responded in a unique fashion: by passing a law to prohibit and prosecute the crime of femicide.”

feminism doesn’t have to stop at the border guys! we need vigilance for women all over the globe!

so much to do… so many people in power who could give a shit… =(